Is there a man in your life who’s got the dad joke situation down? My husband is that guy for me. Even before having our little guy, he was king of the dad jokes.
If the winter blues have you down, I have just the thing for you. Corny dad jokes. Because let’s be honest, they are as good as they are terrible. And frankly, there are just so many of them that they can make a book.
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Speaking of dad joke books, I found these on Amazon, yep, they’re a thing.
As much as this blog is about momming, we wouldn’t be able to mom without there being a baby daddy, so this post goes out to all the fathers out there. May your beer be hoppy and your jokes are ever so terrible. We salute you.
Did you hear about the guy who invented lifesavers? I hear he made a mint!
I have a dentist appointment today, it’s at tooth-thirty.
How do you make a kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he went off to college? Bison.
Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got a whole 12 months.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up on it’s own? Because it was two tired.
People don’t like having to bend over for their drinks. We’ll have to raise the bar.
How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.
Hear about the new restaurant on the moon? It’s got a really great atmosphere.
People are making too many apocalypse jokes. It’s like there’s no tomorrow.
How did the octopus beat a shark in a fight? He was armed.
What did the banana do when it lost the case? It a-peeled the verdict.
Did you hear about that new broom? It’s sweeping the nation.
I’ve heard Prague was cool. We should really Czech it out.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
When does a dad joke become a dad joke? When it becomes a-parent.
Want to hear my pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.
Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sundae school.
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
I used to have a job in a calendar factory but I got sacked because I took a couple of days off.
Want to know how to make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death. The judge asks, are you a first offender? The woman answers, no, first it was a Gibson, then a Fender.
5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
Want to know what Forrest Gump’s password is? 1forrest1.
I asked my dad for his best joke. He answered, you.
Did you know that french fries aren’t actually from France? They were actually cooked in Greece.
I just watched a documentary on beavers. Best damn show I ever saw.
If you see a robbery at an Apple store. Does that make you an iWitness?
A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, I’m sorry, we don’t serve food here.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day.
Did you know that’s a popular cemetery? People are just dying to get in.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
Why did the invisible man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
I had a dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroganoff.
Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
Want to know what the best part about Switzerland is? I don’t know but the flag’s a big plus.
Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
Do you know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.
Can February March? No, but April May.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Where did the college-age vampire shop? Forever 21.
You heard of that new band 1023MB? They’re good but they haven’t got a gig yet.
What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.
Did you hear the one about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no bell prize.
Other posts you may like:
- 7 Silly Things First-Time Moms Do
- 10 Delusional Thoughts I Had Before Parenthood
- 10 Things You Shouldn’t Say to A Pregnant Woman
I’m sure by now you’re either crying or your eyes have rolled across the floor. But hey, it probably cheered you up didn’t it?
Whats your favorite dad joke? Share below in the comments!
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